Happy Holidays
Tag: Fun
Birthdays & Being Thankful!
I Turned Another Year Older
While in the car headed out to meet with two friends for lunch at The Corner Bistro. It was a GREAT lunch, with the Friends who were also with me when the Over the HILL 40th Birthday rolled around .. 22 years ago. { February 7th }
Late Yesterday (Thursday) I received a birthday card from my cousin in NC… a Phone call last night from TWO Aunts .. who then both sang “Happy Birthday” to me …
Then an e-mail this morning {Friday} from a (special) cousin in NC who said something like this “that on this day God had created a beautiful baby . and to enjoy my day” (something like that) {so I think I did OK}.. and then the lunch … arrive home…
Came home, (after checking in on Mom and Dad) & another phone call from my aunt with wishes again…. went back to Mom & Dad’s … and cake … (daddy now sleeping) SO mom and I watched the opening of the Sochi 2014 Olympics … and that was wonderful to share with my mother. (the cake was good too) …
A couple more ‘messages’ from two cousins….
So turning my age – is not bad …
I look forward to what the year has in store for me, & when things get tough as they sometimes do, I’ll have friends who will listen, give support, give hope, share LOVE…
Principal’s Office
Modern Technology
Modern Technology
I was visiting my son and daughter-in-law last night when I asked if I could borrow a newspaper.
“This is the 21st century, old man” he said. “We don’t waste money on newspapers. Here, you can borrow my iPod.”
I can tell you, that fly never knew what hit it…
Do you need belt?
WHY?
WHY did WordPress Change the Widget on my PAGE? The one That had the SIGN UP! to have someone follow my BLOG …. AND it says I have NO FOLOWERS ??? THAT is also WRONG!
I certainly did NOT change it … and now it is awful where it say to sign – me up for e-mail! WHY does WordPress change things without giving US an opportunity to have a SAY!
***Update***
WordPress needs to check into this … all they have to do is READ THIS one & the comment.
OH and today – I got a notice that I’m following ME !!! Imagine that ! So I’ve had to ‘unfollow’! Now how stupid is this!
************
Excitement! Dancing with the Stars
I for one am really excited about one of the ‘Dancers’ … among others … but I find this ‘actor‘ so very talented and if you watch All My Children – You too know this talented actor!
Actor on ABC’s “All My Children,” Iraq war veteran, and motivational speaker J.R. Martinez aka “Soap’s Real-Life Hero” is one of the celebrity stars who will compete on Season 13 of “Dancing with the Stars.”
Find all the Line up for this DWTS Season 13 above… among the line-up … Nancy Grace, Ron Artest, Carson Kressley, and Chaz Bono.
Friends …
… you judge………….
Friends
I called my stockbroker and asked him what I should be buying.
He said, “If the current administration is in office much longer,
Canned goods and ammunition are your best bet.”
As only LUCY could!
In Celebration of her 100th Birthday!
Lucille Ball
Why write a blog? Top Ten (via Hobbling Around)
Found this interesting read & I think you will tooooo!
Looks like she is NEW to WP – so a warm welcome to her!
via Hobbling Around
Texting For Seniors
thought the following listing was appropriate….after all; the kids have all their little codes…like BFF, LOL, etc. So here are some codes for seniors:
ATD – At the Doctor’s
BFF – Best Friends Funeral
BTW – Bring the Wheelchair
BYOT – Bring Your Own Teeth
CBM – Covered by Medicare
CUATSC – See You at the SeniorCenter
DWI – Driving While Incontinent
FWBB – Friend with Beta Blockers
FWIW – Forgot Where I Was
FYI – Found Your Insulin
GGPBL – Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low
GHA – Got Heartburn Again
HGBM – Had Good Bowel Movement
IMHO – Is My Hearing-Aid On?
LMDO – Laughing My Dentures Out
LOL – Living on Lipitor
LWO – Lawrence Welk‘s On
OMMR – On My Massage Recliner
OMSG – Oh My! Sorry, Gas
ROFL…CGU – Rolling on the Floor Laughing…Can’t get Up!
TTYL – Talk to You Louder
WAITT – Who Am I Talking To?
WTFA – Wet the Furniture Again
WTP – Where’s the Prunes
WWNO -WalkerWheels Need Oil
HTH – Hope these help!
GGLKI – Gotta Go, Laxative Kicking in
The World’s Most Outrageous Yachts
Now this is JUST – ONE – that was shown of 12….
Octopus
Microsoft-cofounder Paul Allen’s 414-foot, blue-and-white megayacht, built for $200 million (and with an estimated annual operating budget of $20 million), is seriously tricked out. The behemoth is equipped with a recording studio, jet-ski dock, full-size basketball court, seven boats, a 63-foot tender, room for a crew of 60, two helipads (each with its own helicopter), and two submarines—one remote-control operated for studying the ocean’s floor, the other with the capacity to sleep eight guests and spend up to two weeks underwater.
(Photo: Kevin Perkins/Newscom)
Find more … [ here http://onforb.es/qo8kXF ] Forbes
Inner Peace
Inner Peace
If you can start the day without caffeine,
If you can always be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains,
If you can resist complaining and boring people
with your troubles,
If you can eat the same food everyday and be grateful for it,
If you can understand when your loved ones are too busy to
give you any time,
If you can take criticism and blame without resentment,
If you can conquer tension without medical help,
If you can relax without alcohol,
If you can sleep without the aid of drugs,
…Then You Are Probably………
The Family Dog!
Annual Physical
After the eighty-three-year-old lady finished her annual physical
examination, the doctor said,
“You are in fine shape for your age, Mrs. Mallory, but tell me, do you
still have intercourse?”
“Just a minute, I’ll have to ask my husband,” she said..
She stepped out into the crowded reception room and yelled out loud:
“Henry, do we still have intercourse?” And there was a hush!
You could hear a pin drop.
Henry answered impatiently, “If I told you once, Irma, I told
you a hundred times… What we have is…….
Blue Cross!!”
Gotta love older people!
A man was sunbathing naked at the beach.
For the sake of civility, and to keep it from
getting sunburned, he had a hat over his private parts.
A woman walks past and says, snickering,
“If you were a gentleman you’d lift your hat.”
He raised an eyebrow and replied,
“If you were better looking it would lift itself.”
Grab a Stool!
Wonderfully brilliant!
Does anyone want a dog?
My house was broken into last night by two robbers who locked me in the bathroom, and proceeded to steal all they could carry. My watchdog, “Sunshine”, did not alert me, and for this reason I am giving him away. I no longer want a dog – I’m installing an electric fence and detection devices with alarms. They’re cheaper and more reliable. For those interested in adopting the dog please send an e-mail urgently.
A photo of “Sunshine” is attached.
Anticipation
Hang on – It’s Friday!
Headache
A guy is out with his buddies. He has a
few drinks, gets in the mood but true to
his wife, goes home.
When he gets home he finds her sound
asleep in bed with her mouth wide open.
He gets two aspirin and drops them into
her mouth.
Of course, she chokes but recovers and
asks, “What did you put in my mouth??”
He says, “Two aspirin”.
She replies, “BUT I DON’T HAVE A HEADACHE”!!!
He says, “That’s just what I wanted to hear.”
From the American Association Of Retired People
| Questions and Answers from AARP Forum | |
| Q: Where can men over the age of 60 find younger, sexy women who are interested in them? | A: Try a bookstore,
under fiction. |
| Q: What can a man do while his wife is going through Menopause? |
A: Keep busy. If you’re handy
with tools, you can finish the basement.. When you’re done you’ll have a place to live. |
| Q: Someone has told me that Menopause is mentioned in The bible. Is that true? Where can it be found? |
A: Yes. Matthew 14:92:
“And Mary rode Joseph’s ass All the way to Egypt ..” |
| Q: How can you increase the Heart rate of your 60-plus Year old husband? |
A: Tell him you’re pregnant. |
| Q: How can you avoid that Terrible curse of the elderly Wrinkles? |
A: Take off your glasses. |
| Q: Seriously! What can I do for these Crow’s feet and all those wrinkles on my face? | A: Go braless. It will usually
pull them out. |
| Q: Why should 60-plus year old people use valet parking? | A: Valets don’t forget
where they park your car. |
| Q: Is it common for 60-plus year olds to have problems with short term memory storage? | A: Storing memory is not
a problem, Retrieving it is the problem. |
| Q: As people age, do they sleep more soundly? | A: Yes, but usually in
the afternoon. |
| Q: Where should 60-plus year olds look for eye glasses? | A: On their foreheads. |
| Q: What is the most common remark made by 60-plus year olds when they enter antique stores? | A: “Gosh, I remember these!” |
| SMILE, You’ve still got your sense of humor, RIGHT? |
2 DUCK HUNTERS IN WISCONSIN
Whether this is a TRUE story or not (as in according to Snopes) ! I don’t care …. the ‘story’ is funny and gives me a laugh that I received in a e-mail. As they say ….LAUGHTER is the best medicine!
*********************************************
2 DUCK HUNTERS IN WISCONSIN
ABSOLUTELY A TRUE STORY HEARD ON A WISCONSIN RADIO STATION REPORTING ON THE INCIDENT.
A guy buys a new Lincoln Navigator for $42,500.00 with monthly payments of $560.00. He and a friend go duck hunting in upper Wisconsin . It’s mid-winter; and of course all of the lakes are frozen. These two guys go
out on the ice with their GUNS, a DOG, and of course the new NAVIGATOR They decide they want to make a natural looking open water area for the ducks to focus on, something for the decoys to float on.
Now making a hole in the ice large enough to invite a passing duck, is going to take a little more power than the average drill auger can produce. So, out of the back of the new Navigator comes a stick of dynamite with a short 40 second-fuse.
Our two Rocket Scientists, afraid they might slip on the ice while trying to run away after lighting the fuse (and becoming toast, along with the Navigator), decide on the following course of action: they light the 40 second fuse; then, with a mighty thrust, they throw the stick of dynamite as far away as possible.
Remember a couple of paragraphs back when I mentioned the NAVIGATOR, the GUNS, and the DOG…? Let’s talk about the dog: A highly trained Black Lab used for RETRIEVING; especially things thrown by the owner. You guessed it, The dog takes off across the ice at a high rate of speed and grabs the stick of dynamite, with the burning 40-second fuse, just as it hits the ice.
The two men swallow, blink, start waving their arms and, with veins in their necks swelling to resemble stalks of rhubarb, scream and holler at the dog to stop. The dog, now apparently cheered on by his master, keeps
coming. One hunter panics, grabs the shotgun and shoots the dog. The shotgun is loaded with #8 bird shot, hardly big enough to stop a Black Lab.
The dog stops for a moment, slightly confused, then continues on. Another shot, and this time the dog, still standing, becomes really confused and of course terrified, thinks these two geniuses have gone insane.
The dog takes off to find cover, UNDER the brand new Navigator.
The men continue to scream as they run. The red hot exhaust pipe on the truck touches the dog’s rear end; he yelps, drops the dynamite under the truck and takes off after his master.
Then KA BOOOOOOOOOOOOM!
The truck is blown to bits and sinks to the bottom of the lake, leaving the two idiots standing there with ‘I can’t believe this just happened’ looks on their faces.
The insurance company says that sinking a vehicle in a lake by illegal use of explosives is NOT COVERED by the policy. And he still had yet to make
the first of those $560.00 a month payments.
The dog is okay….doing fine.
And you thought all Rednecks lived in the South…….
Especial!
This is just cute!
When love fades………….
Last night I was sitting on the sofa watching TV when I heard my wife’s voice from the kitchen.
“What would you like for dinner my Love?… Chicken, beef or lamb?”
I said, “Thank you dear, I’ll have chicken.”
She replied “You’re having soup, stupid, I was talking to the dog.”
ROSES & HANGING BASKETS
- Image via Wikipedia
A teenage granddaughter
comes downstairs for her date
with this see-through blouse on and no bra.
Her grandmother just pitched a fit,
telling her not to dare go out like that!
The teenager tells her
‘Loosen up Grams.
These are modern times.
You gotta let your rose buds show!’
and out she goes.
The next day the teenager comes down stairs,
and the grandmother is sitting there with no top on.
The teenager wants to die.
She explains to her grandmother
that she has friends coming over
and that it is just not appropriate…..
The grandmother says,
‘Loosen up,
Sweetie.
If you can show off your rose buds,
then I can display my hanging baskets.
![Reblog this post [with Zemanta]](https://i0.wp.com/img.zemanta.com/reblog_e.png)
Chili
A duded-up city rider walks into a seedy tavern in Sturgis, SD. He sits at the bar and notices a grizzly old biker with his arms folded, staring blankly at a full bowl of chili. After fifteen minutes of just sitting there staring at it, the newbie rider bravely asks the old biker, ‘If you ain’t gonna eat that, mind if I do?’ The old veteran of a thousand rides slowly turns his head toward the young pup and says, ‘Nah, you go ahead.’ Eagerly, the guy wearing the shiny new leather fashions reaches over and slides the bowl into his place and starts spooning it in with delight. He gets nearly down to the bottom of the bowl and notices a dead mouse in the chilli. The sight was very shocking and he immediately barfed up the chili back into the bowl. The old biker quietly says, ‘Yep, that’s as far as I got, too.’
Oops Awards
Here are the glorious top 10 winners:
1.When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach, California, would-be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked.
And now, the honorable mentions:
2.The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat-cutting machine and, after a little shopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company expecting negligence sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and he also lost a finger. The chef’s claim was approved.
3.A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.
4.After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Sarare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn’t discovered for 3 days.
5.An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.
6.A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer… $15. [If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, is a crime committed?]
7.Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he’d just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief in the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.
8.As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, ‘Yes, officer, that’s her. that’s the lady I stole the purse from.’
9.The Ann Arbour News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti , Michigan , at 5 A.M., flashed a gun, and demanded cash.. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn’t open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren’t available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away. [*A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER]
10.When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into the motor home’s sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges saying that it was the best laugh he’d ever had.
In the interest of bettering mankind, please share these with your friends and family… unless of course one of these individuals by chance is a distant relative or long-lost friend. In that case, be glad they are distant and hope they remain lost.
*** Remember… They walk among us!!! **
MothersHeart 