LADY DRIVERS OVER 50!?

A mature (over 50) lady gets pulled over for speeding..
Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?
Officer: Ma’am, you were speeding.
Older Woman: Oh, I see.
Officer: Can I see your license please?
Older Woman: I’d give it to you but I don’t have one.
Officer: Don’t have one?
Older Woman: Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving.
Officer: I see..Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.

Older Woman: I can’t do that.
Officer: Why not?

Older Woman: I stole this car.
Officer: Stole it?
Older Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.
Officer: You what?

Older Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see

The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.

Officer 2: Ma’am, could you step out of your vehicle please!The woman steps out of her vehicle.
Older woman: Is there a problem sir?
Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.
Older Woman: Murdered the owner?

Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.

The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.
Officer 2: Is this your car, ma’am?
Older Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers.
The officer is quite stunned.
Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.
The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer.
The officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.
Officer 2: Thank you ma’am, one of my officers told me you didn’t have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.
Older Woman: Bet the liar told you I was speeding, too.

Don’t Mess With Mature Ladies
If you want to brighten someone’s day, pass this on to someone you know who likes a chuckle.
I just did!

Texting For Seniors

thought the following listing was appropriate….after all; the kids have all their little codes…like BFF, LOL, etc. So here are some codes for seniors:
 
ATD – At the Doctor’s
 
BFF – Best Friends Funeral
 
BTW – Bring the Wheelchair
 
BYOT – Bring Your Own Teeth
 
CBM – Covered by Medicare
 
CUATSC – See You at the SeniorCenter
 
DWI – Driving While Incontinent
 
FWBB – Friend with Beta Blockers
 
FWIW – Forgot Where I Was
 
FYI – Found Your Insulin
 
GGPBL – Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low
 
GHA – Got Heartburn Again
 
HGBM – Had Good Bowel Movement
 
IMHO – Is My Hearing-Aid On?
 
LMDO – Laughing My Dentures Out
 
LOL – Living on Lipitor
 
LWO – Lawrence Welk‘s On
 
OMMR – On My Massage Recliner
 
OMSG – Oh My! Sorry, Gas
 
ROFL…CGU – Rolling on the Floor Laughing…Can’t get Up!
 
TTYL – Talk to You Louder
 
WAITT – Who Am I Talking To?
 
WTFA – Wet the Furniture Again
 
WTP – Where’s the Prunes
 
WWNO -WalkerWheels Need Oil
 
HTH – Hope these help!
 
GGLKI – Gotta Go, Laxative Kicking in