Oops Awards

Here are the glorious top 10 winners:

1.When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach, California, would-be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked.

And now, the honorable mentions:

2.The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat-cutting machine and, after a little shopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company expecting negligence sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and he also lost a finger. The chef’s claim was approved.

3.A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.

4.After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Sarare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn’t discovered for 3 days.

5.An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.

6.A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer… $15. [If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, is a crime committed?]

7.Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he’d just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief in the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.

8.As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, ‘Yes, officer, that’s her. that’s the lady I stole the purse from.’

9.The Ann Arbour News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti , Michigan , at 5 A.M., flashed a gun, and demanded cash.. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn’t open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren’t available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away. [*A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER]

10.When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into the motor home’s sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges saying that it was the best laugh he’d ever had.

In the interest of bettering mankind, please share these with your friends and family… unless of course one of these individuals by chance is a distant relative or long-lost friend. In that case, be glad they are distant and hope they remain lost.

*** Remember… They walk among us!!! **

Two Friends

TWO FRIENDS WERE WALKING THROUGH THE DESERT.
DURING SOME POINT OF THE JOURNEY, THEY HAD AN
ARGUMENT; AND ONE FRIEND SLAPPED THE OTHER ONE
IN THE FACE.

THE ONE WHO GOT SLAPPEDWAS HURT, BUT WITHOUT
SAYING ANYTHING, WROTE IN THE SAND:
TODAY MY BEST FRIEND SLAPPED ME IN THE FACE.

THEY KEPT ON WALKING, UNTIL THEY FOUND AN OASIS,
WHERE THEY DECIDED TO TAKE A BATH
THE ONE WHO HAD BEEN SLAPPED GOT STUCK IN THE
MIRE ! AND STARTED DROWNING, BUT THE FRIEND SAVED HIM.

AFTER ! HE RECOVERED FROM THE NEAR DROWNING,
HE WROTE ON A STONE:
‘TODAY MY BEST FRIEND SAVED MY LIFE ‘.

THE FRIEND WHO HAD SLAPPED AND SAVED HIS BEST FRIEND
ASKED HIM, ‘AFTER I HURT YOU, YOU WROTE IN THE SAND AND NOW,
YOU WRITE ON A STONE, WHY?’

THE FRIEND REPLIED ‘WHEN SOMEONE HURTS US
WE SHOULD WRITE IT DOWN IN SAND, WHERE WINDS OF
FORGIVENESS CAN ERASE IT AWAY.
BUT, WHEN SOMEONE DOES SOMETHING GOOD FOR US,
WE MUST ENGRAVE IT IN STONE WHERE NO WIND
CAN EVER ERASE IT.’

LEARN TO WRITE YOUR HURTS IN THE SAND AND TO
CARVE YOUR BENEFITS IN STONE.

THEY SAY IT TAKES A MINUTE TO FIND A SPECIAL PERSON,
AN HOUR TO APPRECIATE THEM,
A DAY TO LOVE THEM,
AND AN ENTIRE LIFE TO FORGET THEM.

What does a 320 pound woman….

The question is, What does a 320 pound woman look like?

Now, before you scroll down to look at her pictures, get a mental image of what you think a woman who weighs 320 looks like….

 

 

  


Not exactly what you were expecting, is it??!!

The tallest and best proportioned woman in the world lives in Holland .

She is 7’4′ and weighs 320

Whata relief! Now we ALL know we aren’t overweight; we’re just too short!

Have A Great Day!

Christian the Lion

a lion at the zoo

Image via Wikipedia

Quick Video!

The Lion – Christian

 

Reblog this post [with Zemanta]

PRICELESS

Things happen, ….  Enjoy the day while you have the chance.
Priceless…  The pictures speak for themselves!

 

 

 

 

 

 

How to tell if a Catholic is driving too fas
How to tell if a Catholic is driving too fast
Why it's best to marry in church
Why it's best to marry in church